Depression Sucks!

This past year I feel like my mental health/depression has just taken over my life fully. I have always suffered with mental health – depression, anxiety – you name it but I have still enjoyed life and doing things. However, now the only thing I want to do is just be home. I have lost all interest in doing things I love, whether it was hanging out with friends, going to Disneyland, going away on trips, doing weight loss challenges, etc. I feel like everything is such a struggle now. I absolutely love going to Disneyland and I would go a ton (benefit of living close to it and having the annual pass) but now just the thought of going and being so active with walking, waiting etc etc sounds so exhausting to me.

I am at my heaviest I have ever been in my life and I just am so unhappy with life and I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish I have the motivation, the inspiration, the self control, the self whatever you want to call it to get up and get shit done. To not feel anymore body pain, to not get so sick (2022 has been hell for me as far as sickness goes – I was so sick in January and had to miss work for a week, then got covid in February and was out for almost 2 weeks, then got hit with the flu end of march) I guess that’s one of the benefits of working with kids – all the germs especially now that masks have been lifted. Everyone is getting everything and passing it on.

I had joined step bet challenge which is a challenge with money involved to meet all your steps daily pretty much. It was a 5 week challenge and I was doing great, was it hard? Yes – did I want to quit some days? also yes but I knew I would lose money – yes it was only $10 but I knew I would get at least $15 to $25 at the end of the challenge since almost half the people had failed. However, the last 3 days of the challenge is when I got hit with the flu and I still went to work since everyone had the flu at work and by the time I got home I was dead, well not literally but you know what I mean. I could not get myself to get another 4k to 5k steps in – so I sadly lost. I wanted to join again once I got somewhat better. But I just knew I couldn’t and that I just didn’t have the excitement, motivation, inspiration, etc to do it. I knew I would just quit or fail in the end and didn’t want to lose more money. So now here I am about 3 weeks later and still haven’t done not one single workout.

I have an event to go to in June and I would love to lose 10 to 25 lbs by then so I know I need to start again with my weight loss journey. Im debating if I want to do the 75 hard challenge which I have attempted to do a few times and have failed, my longest day was 31 days. They also have the easier version which is 75 medium or 75 soft that I can try to do it maybe since two workouts a day can be a lot on someones body.

I don’t know what the point of this blog post is except for the fact that its just all me venting but I feel like sometimes those vent posts are the ones that help me out the most.


3 thoughts on “Depression Sucks!

  1. Sometimes it is good to have a good old vent and get everything out you are feeling. Sorry to hear you have been having a tough time with your depression, I hope you start to feel more yourself. Good luck with your weight loss journey, I am on a similar journey as I have a wedding to go to in July and of course for my health and confidence. Thank you for sharing an open and honest blog post.

    Lauren – bournemouthgirl


  2. Vent away that’s what we’re here for! Sometimes finding the motivation to make a big change takes something big to trigger it. Many of us are not strong enough or confident enough to do it just because. It took an awful thing happening to me to kick me up the butt. I’d said for years that “after I’d done having kids I’l get fit”. In the end, I didn’t. I enjoy coffee dates with my friends and laying on the sofa in the evenings too much. I just didn’t have what my grandma calls “gumption”. But, then after the bad thing, I had the feeling of desperately needing to control my body. I took revenge on my body for failing me. I did couch to 5km. Then I got the bug and I run loads. But 4 years ago I couldn’t run 500m let alone 5km. Now I can do 15km without too much trouble.
    I love your honesty. It’s so important helping other people who feel the same as you to realise that that’s OK and normal. I wish I could help you feel confident in your body as you are or to find the boost to make it the way you want it to be. But I also want to tell you that you are enough, just as you are today. You’re you and that’s the perfect you for you. I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks and I think you’re fabulous.


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