Depression Sucks!

This past year I feel like my mental health/depression has just taken over my life fully. I have always suffered with mental health – depression, anxiety – you name it but I have still enjoyed life and doing things. However, now the only thing I want to do is just be home. I have lost all interest in doing things I love, whether it was hanging out with friends, going to Disneyland, going away on trips, doing weight loss challenges, etc. I feel like everything is such a struggle now. I absolutely love going to Disneyland and I would go a ton (benefit of living close to it and having the annual pass) but now just the thought of going and being so active with walking, waiting etc etc sounds so exhausting to me.

I am at my heaviest I have ever been in my life and I just am so unhappy with life and I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish I have the motivation, the inspiration, the self control, the self whatever you want to call it to get up and get shit done. To not feel anymore body pain, to not get so sick (2022 has been hell for me as far as sickness goes – I was so sick in January and had to miss work for a week, then got covid in February and was out for almost 2 weeks, then got hit with the flu end of march) I guess that’s one of the benefits of working with kids – all the germs especially now that masks have been lifted. Everyone is getting everything and passing it on.

I had joined step bet challenge which is a challenge with money involved to meet all your steps daily pretty much. It was a 5 week challenge and I was doing great, was it hard? Yes – did I want to quit some days? also yes but I knew I would lose money – yes it was only $10 but I knew I would get at least $15 to $25 at the end of the challenge since almost half the people had failed. However, the last 3 days of the challenge is when I got hit with the flu and I still went to work since everyone had the flu at work and by the time I got home I was dead, well not literally but you know what I mean. I could not get myself to get another 4k to 5k steps in – so I sadly lost. I wanted to join again once I got somewhat better. But I just knew I couldn’t and that I just didn’t have the excitement, motivation, inspiration, etc to do it. I knew I would just quit or fail in the end and didn’t want to lose more money. So now here I am about 3 weeks later and still haven’t done not one single workout.

I have an event to go to in June and I would love to lose 10 to 25 lbs by then so I know I need to start again with my weight loss journey. Im debating if I want to do the 75 hard challenge which I have attempted to do a few times and have failed, my longest day was 31 days. They also have the easier version which is 75 medium or 75 soft that I can try to do it maybe since two workouts a day can be a lot on someones body.

I don’t know what the point of this blog post is except for the fact that its just all me venting but I feel like sometimes those vent posts are the ones that help me out the most.