January 1st, I started 75 hard again for the 3rd time and sadly failed again! I had told myself that I would try it three times before I fully gave up on the program and well I did, I tried it three times and failed all three times! Now part of me wants to try again but part of me says no its too much with literally no days off! The hardest part for me was the doing two workout a day for 75 days straight, along with the water intake too!
I took a few weeks off of working out and decided that it is time to get back to working out again! So I am back on it starting today and will be doing these at least 5 to 7 times a week! If I can do it everyday great, if I notice that I need a day off then I will give my body a day off! I just don’t want to give myself to many days off because I literally lose the motivation and it makes it 1000 times harder to start up again! And honestly I am so tired of starting up again or losing the motivation and gaining weight. I along with so many other ladies who have hormone issues, who have PCOS know just how hard it can be for us and I honestly fuckin HATE it! I hate the fact that it makes it so much more harder for us to lose the weight but gain 3 pounds just by thinking about a donut…sad but true! Life isn’t fair, it isn’t fair that its harder for us, it isn’t fair that I have to struggle getting pregnant, it isn’t fair that I have been off birth control for over 2 – 3 years now and have not had a pregnancy test come back negative! I want a baby so bad and I hate my body for not allowing me to become a mom! Sometimes the anger and sadness I feel literally breaks me down so badly, I honestly believe I have depression because of this! I hate being so rough to myself, being so negative towards myself and hating myself and my body most of the time.
I want to change how I feel about myself… I NEED to change how I feel about myself! Because in the end no one can change it but me. If I don’t love myself, if I don’t work on myself, if I don’t motivate myself…who will???
I am doing this for me and for my future babies! I cant imagine myself never being a mom to a baby…I just cant, it breaks my heart! I have to change… I need to change… I have to take the steps to change!